Answering an email with a question..

24 07 2008

I will leave the information about the questioner anonymous but just get down to answering the questions because it may end up helping you too. 

As an African-American female who is trying to better herself, how can I attract black men without coming off too strong? 

Seeing as I am single not qualified in the relationship department, I will just keep it real. 

1. There is nothing wrong with you despite how we are conditioned to not love ourselves. I don’t use game or go into a relationship with false hopes. I am me regardless of who you are and who you THINK you are. Accept and love yourself first! 

2. Don’t hesitate in thinking that you need a man at this stage in your life. I don’t know the background behind your situation but I do know from experience that we often look for validation through a relationship. It gets lonely sometimes but you are your closest shoulder to cry on. A man is not the answer to all of your questions. If you can’t stand alone, then you can’t stand behind a good man when he needs you most. 

3. Be open minded. Maybe your Mr. Right isn’t black. I am an advocate for black love but if it isn’t in the plan for me, then I will not be opposed to being in love as long as it is genuine. By all means, go for the brothers if you can find one but if you can’t, don’t go through the hallway with closed doors if those rooms look like nice too. 

4. You said that you are trying to better yourself. By putting that first, I can already tell that you are driven and career-oriented. Now sometimes, that may come off as: “Well you are already in second place to my career”. Independence is a beautiful trait but too much independence can taint your chances at bliss. Take your career-guard down and let a man get to know you for you not what you do. When you do meet someone make it clear that you have goals and want to attain them but that you do want a mate. By allowing them to get to know you and then your career, it is slightly less intimidating. 

5. If you find a good man, let me know if he has any brothers. I am a film production major at Howard, I want to get my masters from USC, and a law degree from Harvard. I cook, clean, and love video games! 🙂

Just kidding (sort of ), but be yourself and don’t use conventional thinking in an unconventional dating scene. Remember your options and if anything does pop off, stay healthy physically, mentally, and spiritually. Always keep yourself safe and love yourself!




One response

24 07 2008
Stephen M.

good stuff…confidence is sexy…nothing is sexier than a black woman with her head held high

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